Wondrous Encounters in the Heart of the Mountains

Breathwork is an ancient, simple, and direct method that can help people quickly calm down, restore physical and mental balance, and unlock a state of deep relaxation and clarity.

As a curious novice, I've experimented with different types and schools of breathwork, among which the 9D Breathwork has deeply resonated with me. It involves immersive rhythmic breathing under the influence of frequency music, activating the body's parasympathetic nervous system, bringing a sense of calmness and relaxation, releasing and processing pent-up emotions, and achieving healing effects.

In May this year, in Manchester, I witnessed an aurora reminiscent of angels descending to earth. Later, I came across trending news on X about a blue meteor appearing in Portugal. Coupled with constantly seeing fractal geometries in purple, gold, and green during breathwork sessions, and Buddhist mandala patterns, I've been in a dreamlike state, prompting me to ask myself deeply: What exactly is our universe up to?

During a recent breathwork session, I suddenly saw my Huachuma (San Pedro) guide playing the flute in the valley, calling me back into the embrace of one of Peru's most sacred plants. So, I immediately booked a train ticket and headed to The Lighthouse Retreat to seek guidance and find clarity.

The past four days in the remote mountains of Portugal felt like I've lived millions of years, experiencing the joys and sorrows of everything... I wanted to record my thoughts and feelings, but I realised the limitations of written words. So, I'll leave these scattered notes here, in the hope that if you happen to stumble upon this article, you can personally experience this natural gift and interpret the messages that Huachuma communicates through your own bodily sensations.

Day One

I took a train from Lisbon to Porto, then caught another to the small town of Mosteiro, where one of the space holders was waiting for me at the station. Coming back here after almost three years, there's a palpable sense of change. The girl who once arrived seeking solace from emotional chaos has evolved; now, I pursue answers to more profound questions.

During this four-day retreat, there were four of us in total. After exchanging greetings and introductions, we enjoyed a vegetarian dinner together and went for a stroll around the retreat centre. Witnessing the enhancements to this space over the past few years was truly delightful—more tents and huts, additional flowers and vegetables, a new Labrador, and loads of healing stories from diverse clientele all brought genuine joy.

As a city girl, I couldn't imagine living in such a remote place. However, witnessing the retreat centre owner Isher not only thriving but also uplifting the community made me realise the subjective agency of humanity. It dawned on me why so many intellectuals throughout history ultimately chose to return to nature; there's a special wisdom in it.

That night, I slept for nearly 10 hours (I usually sleep 5-7 hours every day), away from the hustle and bustle of the city, finding healing in nature itself. I dreamt of my deceased grandmother asking if I was hungry, of watching ice sculptures with an ex-boyfriend, and of various fragmented dreams hinting at anxiety. Since the Leipzig drama last year, I've always been afraid that one day I might experience a mental breakdown or drift too far from my physical life, feeling disconnected from the world around me.

As my fear peaked in the dream, I unexpectedly started reciting Buddhist scriptures without any apparent reason, surprising myself with how much I could remember. Along with the calming resonance of the scriptures, I experienced a deep sense of tranquillity. It made sense why, in Transcendental Meditation classes, people receive unique mantras to facilitate their entry into a meditative state. When your subconscious holds onto these calming elements, they naturally emerge during moments of mental unrest.

Day Two

After breakfast, we gathered to drink the Huachuma brewed from the cactus. My Chinese background came in handy; Westerners, unused to Chinese medicine, found it hard to swallow, while having drunk a lot of it due to digestive issues as a child, I found it familiar. After a gulp and some water to ease the bitterness, I awaited its effects.

I remembered my first experience with Huachuma; It took hours for any effects to kick in. I mentioned to my guide my high tolerance, comparing it to being able to handle drinks without getting drunk or enduring tattoo pain easily, so I needed an extra cup to feel its effects. However, over the past few years, I've been focusing on enhancing my body's sensitivity, so just half a cup brought about a response this time. After purging my body, I entered the world of plant medicine.

Initially, there was a strong sense of expansion in my body, feeling as though I no longer belonged to this small body but stretched infinitely like the vast universe. Consciousness slowly liberated itself from the constraints of the body, drifting on the edge of time and space. All senses seemed to be freed, experiencing an unprecedented sense of freedom and joy. The body became light, as if it could fly, while the soul deeply merged into this boundless universe. At this moment, all worries and anxieties vanished, leaving only supreme peace.

At this point, everything in the world seemed absurdly funny to me. There was a sense of absurdity in everything, and no matter who or what I thought of, it all seemed like a joke. How did this game of life suddenly become so funny? At this moment, a large amount of information came to me. The only thing I could remember was that I would have a third child at the age of 42, and this child would be my favourite child (I even asked the universe why I didn't like my first two children?). With so much information suddenly flooding my mind, it felt like my head was exploding. Thankfully, I could still hear a voice telling me that I didn't need to understand everything, just let everything pass through me.

The most interesting part was when I suddenly witnessed the life of Queen Elizabeth II of the United Kingdom. I observed her carefree childhood with her sister and the later "random" event of becoming queen. As a bystander, I experienced her life, feeling her childhood joy and later life of hidden suffering for responsibility, and suddenly tears flowed like rain for the little girl who hadn't yet inherited the throne. To wear the crown, one must bear the weight. The greater the ability, the greater the responsibility. This is probably why many of my desires have not been fulfilled, after all, someone like me who yearns for freedom is still far from making commitments and taking on responsibilities.

I don't know how much time passed, but I began to crave crunchy and juicy apples. When the guide asked me why I wanted to eat apples, I couldn't answer. He suggested I think about the symbolism, such as in Western culture, apples usually symbolise knowledge, temptation, revelation, and the forbidden fruit. If you've read the story of Genesis in the Bible, Eve eating the "forbidden fruit" symbolises human defiance against God and the desire for knowledge. Could it be that this trip to explore the mysteries of the universe is another act of "rebellion" on my part?

I remembered my urgent pursuit of the ultimate meaning of the universe during the Ayahuasca Retreat, only to be told, "You are not ready." After much back and forth, I was only allowed to see a series of beautiful mathematical formulas and geometric shapes bursting out of endless darkness. With my worldview at the time, I really couldn't understand what all this was... and now, it's still the same. Without asking good questions, you naturally won't get good answers, or the truths you get won't be understood.

Later, as the sky gradually darkened, I returned from the forest to the house and noticed the shamanic drum in the corner beginning to play. Music, indeed, holds remarkable healing power. Through the rhythmic shifts of the drumbeat, I felt as though I journeyed through different dimensions of the universe, gaining insight into the diverse experiences and perspectives of various lives.

During this time, while one of the guides attended to another participant's healing, she invited me to join in playing the shamanic drum. Upon reflecting on my experience at the Ayahuasca Retreat, where my singing had provided comfort to others, I was taken aback by the drum's effect this time. It made me realise that many abilities are inherent and can be tapped into effortlessly, without the need for formal training. This highlights the significance of nurturing and harnessing our innate potential.

The most impressive part of the first day was reconciling with friends and relatives whom I had not properly said goodbye to. Life revolves around continuously encountering new people while bidding farewell to old companions. Saying goodbye brings a lump to the throat, while welcoming new confidants feels stifling, and emotions of happiness and sadness keep swirling on one's face. Beyond the present, everything else holds no significance. I hope that the next time I meet those who have journeyed alongside me, they will all be leading more fulfilled lives than they are now.

Day Three

After breakfast today, the guide took us hiking to a nearby waterfall. Walking along the rugged path with rushing water, reminded me of my nine years living in New Zealand. There were many trails there similar to this one. Some say the beauty of New Zealand is unparalleled, but having lived in Europe for five years, I feel similar landscapes can be found everywhere. The only difference lies in the people, as they are the ones who inhabit a place and make it memorable.

Upon returning from the hike, we gathered and shared yesterday's experiences before repeating the medicinal process. Soon, I found myself experiencing what it might feel like to be at the summit of Mount Everest. Not only did I begin to shiver, but breathing became difficult. I kept repeating the word "oxygen" and took deep breaths. The message I received was to never follow the trend of climbing Mount Everest and to hold reverence for the snow-capped mountains. It reminded me of the time I went to Jade Dragon Snow Mountain as a child, feeling overwhelmed with emotion at the sight of the mountain. Later, when I climbed Jade Dragon Snow Mountain with an oxygen tank, it seemed like all other memories vanished except for the desire to kneel before the mountain.

After the mountain experience, I journeyed back to the era when dinosaurs roamed the earth. At times, I became a lion, then a monkey, then a stone and so many other things. It felt as if my soul could inhabit any species and experience their emotions. At this point, I began to question the universe: after millions of years of existence, what could possibly be considered "new" and prevent it from becoming boring? Suddenly, I felt like a child again, craving ice cream. The guide prompted me to reflect on why I suddenly desired ice cream and what it might represent.

During my contemplation, it felt as though the universe responded to my query. Its message was clear: always nurture a childlike curiosity, approaching everything as if encountering it for the first time. In the middle of life's complexities, strive to discover moments of wonder. It was then that I felt a deeper resonance with Albert Camus' portrayal of Sisyphus.

Camus believed that Sisyphus, each time he descended the hill to start anew, was not in despair but in defiance of fate, making him an absurd hero. When you realise the absurdity of life is unavoidable and that it makes life painful and hopeless, the only thing you can do is embrace the absurdity, accept it, and then resist it.

Just like Sisyphus, find joy in the struggle, exhausting all potential to find meaning in life. In the chaotic and absurd world, only human "passion" is a reliable criterion. As Camus summed it up:

“The struggle itself towards the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.”

At that moment, I felt an overwhelming sense of freedom. Since life's meaning has no standard answer, why not freely write your own story? Previously, I often thought about abandoning my physical body and uploading my brain to the cloud for eternal life. However, through practice over the past two years, I discovered that the human body is the best tool for spiritual growth.

By observing the breath and sensations in the body, we can achieve a deep level of experience and introspection. Every thought creates a vibration in the body, and by observing the sensations in the body, we can tap into thoughts buried deep within our subconscious. Every time I have a thought, my body produces sensations that cannot be expressed in words. And every time my body produces sensations that cannot be expressed in words, my mind generates thoughts. Thus, the world I inhabit is created through this interchange.

That evening, I spoke to a camellia tree, asking, "Dear, tell me about the Sukhāvatī." The camellia tree bloomed in response.

Day Four

The Doors, a classic film I watched before, portrays the life of Jim Morrison, the lead singer of the iconic 1960s American psychedelic rock band, from fame to self-destruction. Reflecting on this talented individual who joined the "27 Club," he stands as the epitome of "burning out rather than fading away."

The essence of poets and artists lies in helping us see things as they truly are. We acknowledge the existence of things and observe them with respect, allowing them to reveal their true nature, rather than imposing our subjective will upon them.

As described by Aldous Huxley in "The Doors of Perception," when we attempt to describe reality using the language of the left brain, we often obscure our perception of the external world. We strive to transform things into symbols that conform to our comprehensible abstract concepts. However, the consequence of this is that we strip things of their inherent nature.

Finally, I want to share a poem born from my first encounter with Huachuma:

Eighty-four thousand thoughts,

Countless eons of changing tides before my eyes.

Colours and music take shape,

Perfect geometric forms continually flash.

It's the Mandelbrot set,

The Sanskrit mandala of the Buddhists,

The vibrant hues and flowing patterns of Van Gogh's brush.

Each person nameless and formless,

Particle and Buddha,

Shape and colour.

Just by existing,

We are worthy of love.

Time and space,

Even the material world is not as it seems.

In the vast mysteries,

Being is the ultimate meaning.

Seek,

And ye shall find.

Time and space,

As well as truth and beauty unfold before me.

I break free from the confines of thought,

Navigate through abstract concepts,

In the blink of an eye,

A moment becomes eternal.

Seek,

And ye shall find.

We are here,

Guiding each other home,

Using art to answer the unknown.

Photo credit: Isher from The Lighthouse Retreat