Exploring Psychedelic Journeys

Combining Personal Experiences with Aldous Huxley's 'The Doors of Perception'

After releasing this episode on my podcast, many of my readers, listeners, and friends have asked me about my psychedelic experiences. I would like to blend Aldous Huxley's book "The Doors of Perception" to share my two profound journeys.

Many of us may be familiar with Huxley's science fiction novel "Brave New World," written in 1932, which mentions "soma," a psychedelic substance that can induce eternal happiness in humans. However, Huxley also published another lesser-known book called "The Doors of Perception," detailing his firsthand experiences with psychedelics.

Before I begin, I'd like to clarify a misconception about psychedelics being harmful drugs. In fact, human use of psychedelics can be traced back to the Neolithic era, over ten thousand years ago. The earliest forms of medicine, religion, and theological thoughts benefited from the use of psychedelic substances, whether in therapy, divination, or religious rituals.

One of the most common examples is the use of Ayahuasca, derived from Quechua, which blends "aya" for "spirit" or "dead person" with "huasca" for "rope" or "vine." This translates to "vine of the soul" or "vine of the dead," symbolizing its role in spiritual ceremonies and shamanic healing, aiding communication with spirits and treating ailments.

In many countries around the world, the use of plant psychedelics is legal, such as psychedelic mushrooms and cacti commonly used in Europe and America. Since the mid-20th century, Western society has begun to research the therapeutic contributions of psychedelics, with numerous scientific studies now proving their positive effects in treating depression, PTSD, OCD, alcoholism, drug addiction, and more.

We may all be aware of the counterculture movement of the 1960s and 70s in Europe and America, particularly in the realms of art, music, and popular culture, including figures like Bob Dylan, The Beatles, The Doors, rock guitarist Jimi Hendrix, and Marvel's Stan Lee, who utilized psychedelics to create a plethora of new music and forms of artistic expression.

Guess which book Stan Lee was reading?

Later on, governments, driven by the desire to uphold social stability and serve various political and economic interests, implemented strict regulations, categorizing substances like LSD and mescaline, alongside other psychedelics, as illegal in Western nations. This prohibition sparked a prolonged hiatus in psychedelic research and exploration, lasting for approximately 20 to 30 years.

It wasn't until the 1990s that psychedelics saw a resurgence in Silicon Valley, with tech giants including Steve Jobs relying on low doses of psychedelics to enhance creativity, work efficiency, and overall happiness. Since then, many psychologists and neuroscientists have actively promoted relevant legislation, and my favorite podcaster Tim Ferriss has even established a foundation to research the therapeutic effects of psychedelics on trauma and depression, thereby redeeming the reputation of psychedelics.

The most common psychedelics include psilocybin (also known as magic mushrooms) and lysergic acid diethylamide (LSD). With the advent of organic chemistry, many synthetic substances with similar effects have been developed. The active ingredients in these plants are also extracted, such as mescaline, psilocybin, dimethyltryptamine, terpenes, ibogaine, ergotamine, and ergosterol.

In May 1953, under the guidance of Dr. Humphry Osmond, a British psychiatrist studying hallucinogens, Huxley consumed a dose of mescaline. This experience sparked his exploration into consciousness, perception, and the effects of psychedelics. Over the following four weeks, Huxley penned "The Doors of Perception," detailing his hallucinatory journey and delving into profound insights regarding reality and human consciousness.

The artist and poet William Blake, whom I greatly admire, once wrote,

If the doors of perception were cleansed everything would appear to man as it is, infinite.

This quote served as the inspiration for Huxley in naming his book.

On November 22, 1963, while bedridden and close to death, Huxley asked his wife Laura to give him a 100 microgram dose of LSD. Laura found the medical staff watching TV when she fetched the drug. (Anecdote: The television was broadcasting coverage of the assassination of John F. Kennedy, who had been declared dead at 1:00 p.m. on the same day.) After administering a second dose later that day, Huxley passed away by 5:20 p.m. This is ample evidence of Huxley’s belief in the soothing and healing effects of psychedelics.

So what marvelous experiences did Huxley have?

From what I had read of the mescalin experience I was convinced in advance that the drug would admit me, at least for a few hours, into the kind of inner world described by Blake and AE. But what I had expected did not happen. I had expected to lie with my eyes shut, looking at visions of manycolored geometries, of animated architectures, rich with gems and fabulously lovely, of landscapes with heroic figures, of symbolic dramas trembling perpetually on the verge of the ultimate revelation.

……

I was sitting on the seashore, half listening to a friend arguing violently about something which merely bored me. Unconsciously to myself, I looked at a film of sand I had picked up on my hand, when I suddenly saw the exquisite beauty of every little grain of it; instead of being dull, I saw that each particle was made up on a perfect geometrical pattern, with sharp angles, from each of which a brilliant shaft of light was reflected, while each tiny crystal shone like a rainbow…. The rays crossed and recrossed, making exquisite patterns of such beauty that they left me breathless…. Then, suddenly, my consciousness was lighted up from within and I saw in a vivid way how the whole universe was made up of particles of material which, no matter how dull and lifeless they might seem, were nevertheless filled with this intense and vital beauty. For a second or two the whole world appeared as a blaze of glory. When it died down, it left me with something I have never forgotten and which constantly reminds me of the beauty locked up in every minute speck of material around us.

Isn't it particularly beautiful? Huxley concluded that after taking psychedelics, there were four distinct differences:

1. Memory and clear thinking abilities remained unaffected.

2. Visual impressions were greatly enhanced, with the eyes partially reverting to a state of eternal innocence akin to childhood.

3. Interest in space diminished, while interest in time almost vanished.

4. Intelligence was not impaired, with perception greatly heightened. However, the willpower of the individual taking the drug underwent profound changes, worsening over time. The individual lacked the drive to do anything, finding little interest and even intolerance towards most activities they would typically undertake or prepare for. Instead, they became focused on the present moment, concentrating solely on its beauty. As long as someone who uses psychedelics has a healthy liver and sound mind at the time, they naturally seem to perceive those wonderful phenomena.

In conclusion, Huxley summarised, through discussions with doctors and friends researching psychedelics, that each person can recall everything that happens to them and perceive events happening everywhere in the universe. The brain and nervous system's role is to shield individuals from being overwhelmed by vast amounts of mostly insignificant knowledge. Psychedelics function by bypassing this filtering mechanism, allowing people to experience all the signals from the world at the moment.

It's important to note that everyone's experience with psychedelics is unique and greatly influenced by their upbringing and mindset at the time of use. I was surprised that the scenes and feelings described by Huxley in this book are very similar to my own firsthand experiences. Now, I will share with you my two journeys with San Pedro and Ayahuasca.

In 2021, I had my first psychedelic experience with the Grandfather plant, San Pedro, at The Lighthouse Retreat. During that period, I was experiencing emotional distress because a longtime friend had recently started dating someone new. His girlfriend's discomfort with our close bond led to a halt in our communication, which left me feeling quite heartbroken. So, seizing the opportunity for healing, I decided to delve into the world of psychedelics.

Arriving at the retreat centre in the afternoon, I was greeted by a tranquil setting nestled halfway up a mountain, surrounded by lush greenery. Two guides Isher and Nancy assisted me in preparing for the medicine intake the following day, offering meditation sessions and explanations to soothe emotions and clarify the process.

The following morning, fueled by breakfast, I began my journey with San Pedro. Sipping it was like savouring traditional herbal medicine. Hours passed without noticeable effects until I decided to up the dosage. Soon, geometric patterns and vivid colours danced before my eyes, reminiscent of Huxley's descriptions. Initially, I tried to capture these experiences in a notebook but soon found myself unable to write.

It felt as though I was ascending, sitting alone in the forest behind the retreat centre on a platform overlooking the valley. I witnessed the rise and fall of human civilization before me: skyscrapers emerging and collapsing, forests and countless animals appearing and then disappearing, in a continuous cycle spanning millions of years. During this time, I also encountered many pink heart-shaped bubbles and strange flora and fauna. When I gazed at certain non-natural objects like walls and carpets, I saw Mandelbrot patterns, endlessly dividing fractal geometric patterns of incredible perfection. That was my experience on the first day.

Rain confined us indoors on the second day, accompanied by two fellow participants: a Norwegian lawyer and a British psychotherapist, both grappling with unresolved family traumas. Their emotions ran raw during the ceremony, tears and screams punctuating the air. Perhaps influenced by their emotions, I felt an unexpected agitation, frustrated by their pain and my inability to ease it.

To calm my nerves, my guide offered a cacao ceremony, which led me to revisit scenes from my past lives. Images flashed by in a whirlwind, from galloping across desert sands to dining in the English countryside. Though the faces didn't resemble mine, I knew them as intimately as I knew myself. The rapid transitions blurred the specifics, leaving me immersed in a cinematic montage as the second day drew to a close.

Two trips in 4 days let me ‘see’ the themes that constantly haunted my mind: time, space, reality and dreams. We all know that language can be limited when describing something overpowering and magnificent. Here is my attempt to describe those visions and insights in this prose:

​
Eighty-four thousand thoughts and ideas,

Landscape transformation in the whirligig of time,

Everything is evolving and decaying in front of my eyes.

Vivid Colours dance along with the music of nature,

Infinite fractals emerge and disappear,

Like the Mandelbrot set and the Mandala of Sanskrit.

Van Gogh’s painting is in a tangible form.
​
Ram Dass’s message comes into my mind,

“We’re all just walking each other home”.

We are nameless and formless,

We are a pixel and we are a Buddha,

Was vernünftig ist, das ist wirklich,

We’re loved just for being who we are, just for existing.

Let us accept ourselves and others in full,

Try not to control,

Try not to force,

Just surrender to the power of the universe.

Time and space are a total illusion.

The reality doesn’t seem like what we see.

To see beauty,

Use our hearts, not our eyes.

Feel, and we shall know.

Seek, and we shall find.

I rise above the earth,

And travel through abstract concepts and patterns.

A snap of the finger is the moment of eternity.

I could have lived forever in that dazzling and wonderful dream,

But your sweet smile pulls me back to the material world.

Remember, remember,

Life is the eighth wonder.

When we genuinely want something,

The whole universe is always on our side.

My guide Isher also gave me the nickname "Zen Master" because I could sit on the valley platform for hours after taking the medicine, remaining calm and still. He mentioned that my peaceful energy could help balance unstable emotions in others.

Reflecting on this experience, I recall the words of Steve Jobs, who said,

You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

Everything that has transpired in my life has formed a beautiful circle of connections. All I need to do is follow my intuition and navigate the journey with love. Additionally, I was amazed to find Mandala flowers at the retreat centre. Having studied Buddhism at a young age, I had named myself Mandala. Encountering these flowers after two decades felt like meeting "myself" again.

In 2022, I had my first encounter with Ayahuasca in a rural area in Portugal. Before drinking the sacred brew, I set my intention to know the truth of our reality. Little did I know that my journey would be far from easy.

As I drank the thick, brown liquid, I felt a surge of energy run through my body. The initial effects were overwhelming, and I struggled to keep my composure. I closed my eyes and was transported to another realm. I saw codes that looked like deep darkness, and I could hear Ayahuasca talking to me, not in any language but in a way that I could understand. 

As I continued my journey with Ayahuasca, the reality of our world began to unravel before my eyes. I saw everything as a series of codes, the fundamental building blocks of our reality. It was as if I had been given access to the backend of the universe, where everything was made up of these codes.

At first, it was overwhelming to see the world in this way. It was as if the veil had been lifted, and I could see the truth behind everything. I could see how the world was connected, how everything was linked together in a vast web of cause and effect.

But as I looked closer, I began to understand how these codes were the basis for everything we experience. They were the foundation of our thoughts, our emotions, and our experiences. I could see how our consciousness was intertwined with these codes and how they shaped our reality in ways we could never fully understand.

In this state, I felt like I had transcended the limitations of my physical body and mind. I was no longer bound by the constraints of my ego or my beliefs. I was free to explore the deepest truths of the universe, to see the world as it truly was, without any filters or biases.

It was a humbling and awe-inspiring experience. To be able to see the world in this way, to see the deep reality that lies behind everything, was a gift that I will never forget. It gave me a new perspective on life and a renewed appreciation for the beauty and complexity of the universe.

Later, I saw the life journey of my parents and the people I love. I felt their struggles, their pain, and their joys. I cried a lot during this part of the journey. I also experienced extreme temperatures, feeling as though I was in extremely cold and extremely hot environments. I felt like I had died several times, and yet I was still alive, still experiencing everything that was happening to me.

The truth was hard to handle, but I was determined to push my limits and know it. And then, Ayahuasca told me something that I never expected to hear. She said that she did not love me anymore because I was too pushy to know something I was not supposed to know. I was shocked and heartbroken. Despite the pain, I knew that Ayahuasca was guiding me to see the reality that I belong, and it was up to me to make the necessary changes to find peace and happiness.

My experience with Ayahuasca was intense, and it wasn't easy, but it was worth it. It helped me to confront some of the most difficult truths of my life, and it taught me that the path to enlightenment is often filled with darkness.

Ayahuasca is not for everyone, but for those who are ready to face the truth, it can be a powerful tool for transformation. It's important to approach this sacred plant medicine with respect and reverence and to work with experienced facilitators who can guide you through the process.

Michael Pollan, Aubrey Marcus, Tim Ferriss

Finally, I'd like to recommend a few authoritative figures and organizations in the field of psychedelics for those who are interested in delving deeper.

First is Michael Pollan, a Ph.D. in nutritional science, lecturer, and bestselling author. His series of books on plants, food, and psychedelics are often hailed as the best reads of the year. Netflix even adapted one of his books into a documentary called "How to Change Your Mind," which I highly recommend checking out.

Next is Tim Ferriss, one of the world's most renowned podcasters and bloggers. He has interviewed numerous scientists and researchers who have made significant contributions to the field of psychedelics. You can visit Tim's website to read his summaries and insights.

Lastly, there's Aubrey Marcus, a podcaster and entrepreneur. He has undergone over 20 experiences with Ayahuasca himself, and his podcasts and articles focus on how psychedelics can help us overcome depression, trauma, and achieve self-awareness. He also delves into topics like reincarnation and mysticism, which make for fascinating reads.

Of course, it's important to remember that psychedelics, like coffee or alcohol, are tools, not miracle cures. It's essential to use them responsibly and avoid dependency. Hope everyone approaches their experiences with caution and mindfulness.