🥝#23: Pondering from the Past Month: Three Thoughts

Zen and Communications, Beyond Methodologies & Writer’s Pride

Zen and Communications

Whenever I find myself in a situation where I feel like I can connect or feel in sync with someone, I'm often reminded of the famous Zen quote by Dogen on mountains and waters. The quote describes how, before beginning Zen practice, Dogen saw mountains as mountains and waters as waters. This represents the first stage of understanding, where things are seen as they are. However, after starting Zen practice, he saw that mountains are not mountains and waters are not waters. This represents the second stage, where things are seen in a more complex way. Finally, he saw once again that mountains are just mountains and waters are just waters. This represents the third stage, where understanding has been reached.

This quote has always resonated with me, especially when it comes to building relationships with others. At first, we may see things at face value, like mountains and water in our physical world. But as we delve deeper into each other's thoughts and emotions, we may realize that things are not as they seem and that there is more to the world around us than meets the eye.

It's easy to find common ground and feel like we are on the same wavelength, but often those connections can be superficial or fleeting. We may feel like we're in the same boat, but in reality, we're still in different stages of getting to know each other, like one person is at the first stage and the other is at the third stage of seeing mountains and waters. This can lead to miscommunication and frustration, as we may not understand what the other person is trying to say or may misunderstand their intentions.

In order to reach the same stage of communication, active listening is crucial. We must be fully present and engaged in the conversation, not just waiting for our turn to speak and willing to ask questions and seek clarification if we don't fully understand what the other person is trying to convey. It's also essential to listen to the words being said and the emotions and feelings behind them. 

Last but not least, empathy is key to having a fulfilled conversation. When we put ourselves in the other person's shoes, we can better understand their perspective and where they're coming from. Even though we are still in different stages of seeing mountains and waters, we can approach the conversation openly, without judgment or preconceived notions to gain new perspectives and insights. 

Beyond Methodologies

When it comes to self-improvement, many bestselling books offer step-by-step methodologies. However, readers often find them ineffective and constantly seek new ones, hoping for a perfect solution. But personal growth is not just about having a methodology; it's about the emotional experiences that create lasting changes.

Although I used to enjoy studying different methodologies, I soon realized that people need more than just a set of steps to follow. They require the drive to execute those steps and an emotional connection to the outcome. This emotional journey is unique to each individual and requires more than just reading abstract text.

In fact, such experiences require prolonged and persistent incubation that allows us to connect with ourselves on a deeper level. Unfortunately, in today's fast-paced world, people tend to focus only on the end result, skipping over the experience itself. This can reduce the conclusion or method to just a few abstract words, making it alien to us.

To truly experience personal growth and get closer to ourselves, we need to slow down and take the time to fully immerse ourselves in the process by being mindful of the information we consume and taking the time to experience and process it. This way, we can build an emotional connection and better understand ourselves and our journey.

Writer’s Pride

I used to take immense pride in my writing, believing it to be a personal reflection of my life and a window into my thoughts and experiences that my readers would never fully comprehend. So, what's the point of me keeping writing while others won't understand?

However, as time passes, I realize that even for some classics like Hamlet, there are countless interpretations from each reader. The beauty of writing is that it doesn't matter how it appears to others, as long as it exists.

Over the last two years, I have consistently produced content and gradually released my attachment to my writer's pride. I have discovered that the true significance of writing is to share my thoughts and ideas with others and lose myself in the joy of creation. It's not about how my readers comprehend my work, but the fact that they are reading it and getting something they need from it.

As writers, we cannot control how our readers interpret our work, which is perfectly fine. Our responsibility is to create and share our creations with the world; the rest is out of our hands and should not be our concern. So, let's embrace the reality that there are a thousand versions of our writing out there and only focus on the pure joy of creating. In the end, that's what writing is all about.

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Thanks for reading! I finally got back and settled down in Lisbon this month. Here is how I describe my new home as a sending-off of this month’s issue! Enjoy!

Lisbon is not a city, it's a feeling. It's a place where the past and the present, the real and the imaginary, merge into one. It is a land where the sea and the sun are ever-present, shaping the culture and the way of life of its people.

Greeting from Lisbon