As the year 2023 comes to a close, I follow my annual birthday tradition of reflecting on the past year's journey (previous year’s reviews on this page).
In 2023, I travelled to 14 countries across four continents, spending significant time in Portugal, China, and the UK. This year was also marked by profound spiritual growth, including inexplicable spiritual encounters and deepened insights into self-discovery and the world.
Each month had its own unique story to share, making 2023 a year filled with memorable experiences.
January
After four years away from my homeland, I finally set foot on the soil of China, rediscovering my passion for Chinese calligraphy. Each morning, I diligently transcribed one page of ancient Chinese poetries or Buddhist scriptures, nurturing my mind and spirit. Chinese characters exhibit both visual and conceptual beauty, harbouring profound philosophical meanings that evoke poetic sentiments; they are meant to be sensed rather than explicitly expressed through words.
Since 2017, I've been practising meditation to help me reduce stress and achieve emotional stability. However, the tool that initially brought me to my current state could no longer guide me further. After struggling through a prolonged bottleneck period, my teacher appeared just when I was ready— a Zen Buddhism course known as "弛放Relax and Release" under the guidance of Dharma teacher Faxin. It helps me notice the unnoticed tension in my body and mind, buried either unconsciously or deliberately by the brain, teaching me how to truly relax and release energy.
Freud once said, “Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.” In my twenties, I often experienced sudden breakdowns, where unconscious suppression of emotions reached a breaking point. Through meditation and Zen practice, I gained the courage to face buried thoughts and emotions. Though this process is painful, it is temporary. Once a person has awareness instead of drifting with the current, they become clearer about who they are and what they truly desire. Solving the root issue eliminates secondary problems caused by the lack of clarity on the root problem.
Zen practice, meditation, and all other methods of self-cultivation guide me to a relaxed state, allowing energy to flow smoothly through my body and mind. No matter how advanced the meditation techniques or miraculous the courses, they are just tools to aid in a smoother journey of practice. The ultimate goal is to cultivate 'mental strength 心力,' a gradual process that cannot be rushed. Remember, the practice is a lifelong commitment, one step at a time.
February
This month, I travelled around Beijing and Tianjin, and the main thing that struck me was how everyone seemed so stressed out. Most Tier 1 and 2 cities in China gave off this vibe of being constantly on edge, and you could feel a tense and anxious energy in the air. While it was great catching up with family and old friends, my body was telling me something different – the insomnia and pain were clear signs that this place wasn't for me.
It reminded me of a blog post I wrote ten years ago when I was all about going all out, thinking that in your younger days, you should embrace every adventure and use up all your energy. But over the last couple of years, I've grown tired of the hustle and bustle of big cities. The idea of escaping to the quiet of the mountains and forests started sounding more appealing. I lost interest in materialistic stuff, and my mind shifted to a more laid-back and comfortable state. Friends now say I come across as a bit "down-to-earth and zen," and my emotions have levelled out.
At different points in life, you've got to listen to your instincts, go with the flow, and head towards a place that suits you. Without the drive of my younger years, I wouldn't be who I am today. But without the calmness I have now, I wouldn't become the person I'm evolving into. It's all about your mindset shaping your surroundings, and everything falls into place.
March
This month, I came to Guangzhou and finally got to enjoy the Chaoshan food I've been craving. I also had the opportunity to meet up with several expert players of the Fantasy Premier League IRL, organizing an offline gathering for my community, CY Circle. Members from my community travelled from all over China like Haikou, Shanghai, Wuxi, Chongqing, and Shenzhen just to meet me, which was incredibly touching! As a creator, these moments of connecting with like-minded readers and friends offline are the happiest times for me.
During my stay in Singapore, I soaked up the sun every day, feeling the ebb and flow of money and energy. I got to meet a big-shot Weibo influencer, ZXY, and hung out with folks from The Network State community. Every chat with these pros broadened my horizons and gave me new ways to think. They say a good conversation is worth more than reading hundreds of books, and I can't agree more.
The world is changing faster than we can imagine. Some can kick back without worry, just enjoying life like they're animals in a zoo. But a small group of people needs to be on their toes, whether it's making a leap in evolution or adapting to the new societal structure. My strategy is to remain vigilant and sharp, ready to adapt when the opportune moment arises.
April
This month, I returned to Manchester to celebrate the 129th birthday of Manchester City Football Club and to watch the game between Manchester City and Leicester City. I'm grateful for the companionship of Pep Guardiola and the players over the years, providing me with a source of joy and spiritual solace.
Football has never been a simple game of wins and losses; it's entangled with the manipulation of money and power under the capitalist system. I recommend fellow football fans to read Eduardo Galeano's “Football in Sun and Shadow : An Emotional History of World Cup Football.” I first watched the World Cup in 1998 with little knowledge of its history. Reading his book gave me a grasp of the connections between football, politics, and religion.
People used to wonder how a bookish and cultured girl like me could love football, a seemingly "shallow" sport. My response was always not to be blinded by the surface passion of the sport. Early on, Brazilian black players had to apply white flour to play, and during World War II, football matches were intertwined with the political interests of various nations. Even in modern times, clashes between fans from different countries can be rooted in historical disputes. Take the "El Clásico" between Barcelona and Real Madrid, for example, entangled with the Catalans' hatred for Franco's government and their current desire for independence.
In addition, I travelled to Ireland and the Netherlands. I visited Trinity College Dublin, exploring the historic campus and immersing myself in Ireland's pub culture. I also toured Cruyff's hometown, enjoying Dutch football vibes, and read Cruyff's autobiography, "My Turn," which is not just about football but also filled with life wisdom.
Last but not least, I finally got to meet Dr Jordan B. Peterson in Lisbon. Dr Peterson wrote this new book while battling illness, using its completion as a mental anchor to overcome life's repeated challenges. Translating this book into Chinese was also a wild journey for me. Back then, I was isolated abroad without the company of family and friends during the Covid, wrestling with uncertainties about my future, reading this book, and participating in the translation process had a healing effect on me.
Dr Peterson presented numerous clinical cases, showcasing how people who have faced life's hardships can, through effective psychological counselling and improved self-awareness, find their way back to a fulfilling life. It made me realize that many problems are not unique to me but universal, with solutions offering hope and encouragement, helping me through a dark period.
Compared to the previous book “12 Rules for Life,” "Beyond Order" reflects more of Peterson's compassion. I found myself moved to tears several times during the translation process. If we could reduce judgment and resentment towards others, cultivate more empathy, and maintain gratitude even in times of hardship, that sense of thankfulness could be a powerful remedy to lift us out of the abyss.
May
I remember when I was a kid, my aunt used to take me to a bookstore called "翡冷翠," where she studied and prepared for exams. I would spend entire afternoons there, exploring all the interesting books on the shelves. Later, I found out that "翡冷翠" was the translated version of Florence by Xu Zhimo, a Chinese romantic poet and writer. Interestingly, my boss at OSV, is quite similar to the Medici family in Florence, establishing the Fellowship Grant and generously supporting creators/builders/founders. With these subtle connections, the city no longer feels unfamiliar to me. Wandering through its streets, hearing sweet praises from the Italians, my heart is content.
I reunited with another Chiwi, Monica Tong, in Bologna. Besides being famous for its delicious food, Bologna is renowned for having the world's oldest university, boasting distinguished alumni like Dante, Copernicus, and Guglielmo Marconi. Walking through the university area, you can feel the vibrant energy of youth everywhere. When we stumbled upon the church where Copernicus is buried, we even witnessed an English Mass, creating a sense of sacred tranquillity.
These past few days, Monica and I have both had vivid dreams and experienced many coincidences. For example, I randomly played a song in the room, and within 5 seconds, Monica recognized it as the guitar piece an Italian guy had played for her just a couple of days ago in London; during dinner, Monica asked if I had read a certain book, and I told her I had just ordered it a few hours. Not to mention the frequent sightings of signs and intense déjà vu moments.
People used to say New Zealand's scenery was breathtaking, a real paradise on Earth. But let me tell you, after visiting Switzerland, I realized it's a hundred times more stunning than New Zealand! It makes sense why big names like Albert Einstein, James Joyce, Carl Jung, Richard Wagner, and Thomas Mann chose to live and work in this magical land.
During my time in Switzerland, I finally got to indulge in the authentic cheese fondue and raclette I'd been craving. I caught up with old friends from London for a hiking trip and checked out the FIFA World Football Museum. Riding the Bernina Express through the Swiss Alps, it hit me how crucial it is to have a role model on the path of personal growth. Right now, my go-to inspiration is Aubrey Marcus, a popular founder, author and podcaster.
His company focuses on health supplements, fitness gear, and personal care products. On his podcast, he dives into topics like health, personal growth, and spirituality. Growing up, I've always been drawn to mystical and experiential things, exploring spiritual realms and trying out things that others might shy away from due to societal norms. Now, in a new era, many awakened individuals like me aren't facing the journey alone.
Just like Aubrey, some might find his transformation over the years perplexing. How did he shift from a promising entrepreneur to someone talking about psychedelics and spiritual experiences? But someone has to take that step, revealing the true nature of the world, connecting with their authentic selves, and unlocking their potential. The universe is vast, and what we know is just a fraction. It takes courage and responsibility to fulfil our duties in this lifetime.
If not you, who else?
June
Celebrating my first-ever CrossFit Games! I went from 7 in the morning until 7 in the evening, tackling a total of six different WODs, and guess what? I made it through and landed in the middle-upper range! Honestly, I'm really proud of myself. I only started doing CrossFit in April this year, so I'm still a bit of a newbie. The difference between me and the real pros is pretty huge, but who cares? I've finally pushed past my mental and physical barriers. Only by giving it a shot do you realize that there's nothing in life that's impossible. Trying new things opens up a wider life, and your confidence just keeps on growing.
While exploring Prague's rich history and stunning architecture, from the narrow cobblestone streets to iconic sites like the Charles Bridge and Prague Castle, I found myself drawn into the city's unique charm. However, it was the exploration of Franz Kafka's literary legacy that added a profound dimension to my experience. During my trips, I pondered the idea that even without Kafka, someone else from Prague might have penned his works, because people are idea containers. Certain environments have a unique way of inspiring special insights.
July
I made it to the much-anticipated Leipzig this month. Johann Sebastian Bach put in 27 years of work here, Richard Wagner set up an opera house, Friedrich Nietzsche taught at Leipzig University, Karl Marx hit the books here, and Johann Wolfgang von Goethe and Friedrich Schiller were all about literary creation. And let's not forget RB Leipzig, the team that's known for churning out top-notch players for the big European leagues. What's interesting is that I unexpectedly ran into a childhood friend, whom I hadn't seen in almost two decades, here in Leipzig, Germany!
I'm quite susceptible to the influence of my surroundings. The theatre of my mind conjures different visions and behaviours triggered by specific environments. Back when I toured the Brontë sisters' residence and stayed in a 17th-century guesthouse with a view of their graves, gazing out the window gave me a sense of being possessed by them. For several consecutive days, I fervently wrote, completing a significant portion of my first English novel.
Walking through the campus of Leipzig University, where Nietzsche once walked, brought tears to my eyes. I even spotted someone who resembled Nietzsche, and I had the urge to walk up to him, hug him, and say, "Someone in this world understands you." Gazing at the sky, I envision the godly figure William Blake portrayed in The Ancient of Days. In these moments, my legs felt weak, and I had the impulse to kneel in surrender. In my ears echoed the powerful mantra "OmAhHum," as if only I knew the precise significance behind it.
During the pandemic, I spent six months assisting the New Zealand Trade and Enterprise (NZTE) with the Mallorca Palma Vela Yachting Cup project in London. After extensive preparation and eager anticipation to inspect the results, travel restrictions prevented me from being physically present. However, two years later, fate led me to this place by chance during a layover, turning the familiar yet unfamiliar surroundings into a delightful surprise.
This month also marked my most impulsive yet rewarding journey. I wouldn't dare write such a story in one of my novels.
On a Saturday afternoon, I received a spontaneous invitation from a friend to attend the F1 race in Belgium. The Spa-Francorchamps track, a long-held desire of mine, suddenly beckoned. Within two hours, I bought plane tickets, arranged accommodation, and headed straight to the airport. Upon reaching the hotel early Sunday morning, with less than three hours of sleep, we had to wake up to catch a taxi and carpool to Spa. While enthusiastically heading to Spa with my friend, we suddenly received shocking news: a major incident prevented our friend, who had invited us to the box seats, from coming! And our tickets were still in his hands.
In shock, we decided that after all the trouble we had gone through, we couldn't give up now. We bravely went to the venue to assess the situation. Luckily, upon arriving at the racetrack, there were indeed scalpers selling tickets. We bargained and bought tickets to watch the race eventually.
Combined with unexpectedly fantastic weather in Spa that weekend, the on-site racing experience lived up to expectations. Especially seeing Daniel Ricciardo, whom I've been a fan of for several seasons, fulfilled a small dream. Travelling 4,350 kilometres within 48 hours – a record-breaking adventure!
August
Two years ago, I enrolled in the prestigious writing course "Write of Passage" led by renowned online writer David Perell. I also had the privilege of interviewing the course director, Will Mannon (Chinese name: 马晓伟), on both my Chinese podcast "理想屯" and the English podcast "Chiwi Journal." His enthusiasm for learning Chinese deeply impressed me. This year, I finally had the chance to meet him IRL in London (and later this year we met in Shanghai again). In return, he interviewed me in Chinese, covering various topics such as football, literature, existentialism, meditation, poetry, and writing.
This month, I immersed myself in a ten-day Vipassana meditation course, where the rules were stringent: no phone, no talking, no reading or writing, no entertainment, no physical contact, and strict dietary restrictions. Starting the day at 4 AM, I devoted 12 hours to silent meditation each day, shaping the rhythm of my life within the Vipassana framework.
The profound impact of Vipassana doesn't manifest instantly but lies in the continuous application of the learned techniques in everyday life. It involves observing thoughts and emotions objectively, avoiding attachment or denial, and recognizing the transient nature of all experiences, whether joyful or painful.
An unexamined life is not worth living; we need to observe and experience reality with full awareness, aiming for the ultimate state of harmony between body and mind, achieving a unity of self and the universe. May we be inspired together on this journey.
September
After two years in Lisbon, I finally checked off attending a Primeira Liga match—Benfica vs. Porto. Given that Benfica has been supplying Man City with quality players for the past few years, it was only right to show some support here. The atmosphere at the stadium was electric, and I even picked up a few new chants. Benfica secured a 1-0 victory over 10-man Porto, and with the guidance of friends, I discovered two promising young talents. I wonder which top clubs will snatch them up next season.
Post-match, friends told me about Benfica's team history and Porto's scandalous past. I thought, if this story is true, it rivals the Serie A scandals. Perhaps the lack of media coverage is due to the Primeira Liga's lower profile. My friend suggested that the Porto mafia has everything under control, infiltrating both the media and the police. With scandals like Phonegate, Emailgate, and Extortiongate, a comprehensive expose could make for a blockbuster movie.
I caught Woody Allen's jazz performance in Lisbon this month, where he amusingly mentioned his intention to lift everyone's spirits, although he admitted feeling a bit tired due to his age. Woody, the neurotic character from "Annie Hall" in my memory, now strolled with a shaky gait, revealing the inevitable impact of time.
Witnessing his performance before my upcoming trip to New York was truly delightful. Woody Allen has always been synonymous with the city in my mind: "He loves New York, embellishing it excessively... He embodies the city's spirit, with his wild charm lurking beneath those black-framed glasses."
October
Finally met with my boss and team members from OSV in New York! Along with my online mentor,
and new and old friends from both online and offline. My feelings towards New York are truly a mix of love and hate – love for its continuous vitality and wild passion, and frustration for the associated chaos and restlessness.During a conversation with American reader friends, we discussed chakras and the third eye, and she noticed the red mark in the centre of my forehead. Initially, I thought it was due to dry weather or allergies, but upon reflection, it seems this mark has been with me since witnessing a vision in Leipzig back in July...
Some gifts from the universe, though seemingly good, can be a source of pain and trouble if we aren't adequately trained. I've come to realize that I am like "Ye Gong," wanting something I can't handle, and I must bear the consequences. However, I firmly believe that with continuous grounded practice, the day will come when I can befriend the "dragon."
Upon a friend's recommendation, I visited the Rubin Museum's Tibetan Buddhism exhibition. It made me realize that 2015 was the year I received the universe's signal, quit my full-time corporate job for a gap year, and Tibet was my first destination (back then, apart from learning some cultural history, I didn't gain profound insights). Reconnecting with those Thangka paintings now, with eight years of growth behind me, I feel a surge of deep love.
Being born in this world and meeting all of you is more than enough ♥️.
November
Just wrapped up an incredible week at the ETHGlobal Istanbul Hackathon this month.
Here's a glimpse of what I've achieved:
👩🏻💻 Launched a Web3 project Morvo in 48 hours and won two prizes from Worldcoin and Lens Protocol.
🎙️ Recorded a special live podcast at the Hackathon, unveiling young talents’ projects and their web3 journeys.
🧉 Created a fun Mate tutorial video in Chinese with Simon Puebla.
💃🏻 Danced the night away at epic raves and disco vibes.
🤝 Met many online web3 friends in real life, especially my readers from China.
🕌 Explored Istanbul, soaking in vibrant cultures and ancient history and indulged in a traditional Turkish bath for a truly rejuvenating experience.
In the past, Halloween usually involved getting together with a bunch of friends and having a crazy party. This year, I decided to change things up and joined the rowing machine competition organized by my go-to gym, The Bakery CrossFit, aiming to row 21,000 meters. Despite the seemingly daunting number, the actual challenge wasn't as tough as I had imagined. When everyone rallied to cheer me on in the end, it was truly heartwarming.
This month also saw my participation in my second CrossFit game—another 12 hours spent pushing limits in the gym, with six WODs in a single day. The mixture of pain and joy during this intense competition with my comrades was an experience that brought out the best in us!
December
In December, I flew back from Lisbon to China. Reunited with my friends from New Zealand in Hangzhou, Nanjing, and Shanghai after more than four years apart, it felt like no time had passed at all. We shared meals, did live-streaming sessions and hit the gym together.
It's been an incredible year for me, filled with meaningful interactions, exciting challenges, and personal growth. I want to express my deepest gratitude to everyone who has been part of this journey. Whether it's the friends I met or reconnected with, the gym buddies who cheered me on during intense workouts, or the online and offline faces I engaged at various events, each of you has contributed to the richness of my experiences.
Wishing everyone a joyful and healthy rest of 2023! See you next year!
WOW Camilla !
Thanks for the incredible photo-essay. You have had an amazing journey with all your experiences and learning. But I dare say, there is one place; the land of the living; the land of the ancient gods you have not visited or spent time there to connect with the Nine Muses: Greece, like no other place on Earth. I have been there twice, to the land of my roots and ancestors and each time overcome with emotion. This is what Greece does to you. :)
生者与远古诸神的土地
节日快乐
等不及 2024 年你会做什么
Thanks for all your articles.
Nicholas
So great to have met you twice this year. Grateful for our friendship!